How to protect and preserve your emotional energy during the busy holiday season.
I love holiday parties. I’m a bit of a romantic and I dive right into the holiday season, decorating early and baking cookies and driving my son to take in holiday light displays with covered mugs of hot cocoa in the car. Christmas carol renditions add ambiance to dinner and the fireplace brings coziness to movie nights (cheesy Christmas films, of course). So invite me to your holiday party, and no doubt I will be there! Parties and gatherings are the best part, to me: it’s all about connection.
But for many, the Christmas season brings sensory overload and social burnout. Students juggle final papers and exams while managing the social demands of campus parties. Parents stress about gift shopping lists and performance rehearsals, sending greeting cards and planning holiday travel or the menu for big local family gatherings. With a background of so much hustle and bustle, your social battery may be a bit like that of my electric Mini Cooper: chronically in need of recharge.
If this is you, here are some thoughts on managing your social battery in the holiday season.
- The last weeks before winter break are an intense time, whether you are a student, a teacher, or a parent shuttling kids to school, practices, performances, and parties in between your own work responsibilities. It can be even more challenging to protect your social battery during these weeks. Look at what is coming up on your calendar between now and the holidays. Code each item as essential (for example, attending final exams, confirming travel arrangements), high priority (attending your daughter’s Nutcracker performance, buying gifts), medium priority (annual cookie exchange, routine dentist appointment), and low priority (cleaning out the closet before guests arrive). It can feel as though everything is essential, but if you examine your calendar and to-do list objectively, you may find that all responsibilities are not equal. Give yourself permission and grace to reschedule or leave some items undone if time and energy do not permit.
Taking what is non-essential off your calendar creates room for self-care moments. This may involve getting more sleep, which will improve your mental health and resiliency, a quiet walk alone through crunchy leaves or fresh-fallen snow, or even taking just 5 minutes for a guided meditation to ground and re-center yourself. Taking time alone is essential to re-charge your social battery and maintain inner peace. The amount of alone time may differ from one person to the next, with no right or wrong answer.
- You may recognize your social battery is running low when you find yourself dreading social gatherings, waiting until the last minute to get ready, or find your mind frequently wandering while with others. If you laugh less often, speak less, feel irritable, and fantasize about getting home or to your bedroom, it’s a good sign your social battery is drained.
Consider which events feel more like obligations than celebrations and give yourself permission to let some things go. You may also attend events, both ones you eagerly anticipate and ones you don’t, and plan an early exit. You don’t have to give an explanation, simply assert your need to leave and believe in your right to this form of self-protective self-care. Believe you are worthy of meeting your own needs, not just the expectations of others, and extend the loving kindness toward yourself that you deserve by observing those limits.
- Close friends and loving family may understand your expressed need for alone time if you simply explain that you are overstimulated and tapped out and need some time to psychologically recuperate. You might say, “Mom, I’m so glad to be home for winter break, but I’ve been really overwhelmed these past few weeks and really need to rest before I have the energy to catch up or play card games. I’ll come join the family at dinner.”
Those who refuse to understand are more focused on their own needs than yours, and perhaps do not deserve a deeper explanation. Your right to your boundaries is not mediated by their approval, acceptance, or understanding. You don’t need permission to set or follow-through on a boundary. To those who don’t respect or understand your need to step back, assert your need and planned behavior in simple terms, and do not negotiate. They will come to accept it, because with firm boundaries they have no other option. Whether they like your boundary or not is irrelevant and not a burden for you to carry.
- Setting boundaries is essential to protect your emotional space and social battery. Boundaries are an act of self-care, not an act of aggression, no matter how others feel about it. Know that you have the right (and responsibility!) to protect your inner emotional peace and that it is okay to say “no” to that which doesn’t serve you. Remind yourself of this through compassionate self-talk, then communicate what you are and are not willing to do with kindness, calm, and firmness.
May this final push toward the holidays be sprinkled with twinkling light, cozy glows, and a peaceful joy amidst the hustle and bustle of celebration.