Reflections on homelessness amongst queer youth.
A friend once asked me, “If you had millions of dollars and could do anything with it you wanted, what would you do?” She told me how she would start an educational foundation to advocate for the needs of underserved neurodiverse students navigating a conventional school system. This, naturally, drew from her own painful experiences as a child and the expertise she later gained as a teacher.
My mind immediately went two places in response: the work I’ve done in a safe house for survivors of sex trafficking, and homeless shelters for gay teenagers. She seemed curious but puzzled as to the personal connection, but I didn’t elaborate.
I’m a cis-gender female in a long-term, happy heterosexual relationship. I didn’t (yet) have any (out) queer family members. It’s not an obvious connection.
But it’s a population and concern I’ve long held close to my heart. Because amongst the population of unaccompanied homeless teenagers, an estimated 40% are gay. Current estimates, which are double what they were only ten years ago, suggest only 5-7% of the total population are gay.
It’s a gross over-representation in a starkly vulnerable trauma.
It’s a trauma I know all too well.
Recently, watching an episode of For All Mankind (SPOILER ALERT), it punched me unexpectedly in the gut: The undocumented teenager finds herself alone after her father is suddenly deported and asks an adult for whom she volunteers to take her in, but is met with rejection. I felt this scene viscerally: The vulnerability. The shame, at being unwanted. The fear, at not knowing where you will go, while bravely pretending it’s no big deal and of course you understand; it was a big favor to ask, please don’t worry. Seeing buildings and vehicles through different eyes that are assessing, always assessing suitability for shelter should acquaintances fail. The judgment calls: is it safer to go home with a stranger or to sleep unhoused? Discerning: who to risk telling of your shameful vulnerability in hope of help; whom to trust. Eyeing discarded food and calculating how you might salvage it without anyone noticing, questioning, judging. Gorging yourself on food when available because you don’t know how many calories the next day holds. The distraction of problem-solving survival needs when your mind should be on the schoolwork before you.
I’ve never talked about this before.
But this is the dark underbelly of Pride month. Why do we need Gay Pride? Because in this country, 68% of gay teens are rejected by their own families. Because between 400,000 and 1.1 million gay American teenagers are homeless due to rejection from their homes. Because even today, variation in sexuality is so abhorred that millions of parents are led to believe utter rejection to be an appropriate response. Because less than 6% of homeless gay teens will be able to secure a bed in a shelter. Because 44% of them will be propositioned for sex in exchange for shelter (a scenario that falls within official definitions of sex trafficking). Because 58% of them will be sexually victimized while homeless. Because the average age at which this happens is 14 years old[i]. Because even amongst those whose families accept them, every single queer person faces rejection, harassment, and discrimination somewhere. Because none of this is remotely okay.
These facts might be hard to read. They’re incredibly hard to survive.
And for those who do, each and every precious, rejected, beautiful soul MUST know: You belong. You are precious. You are a vibrant and intrinsically valuable spirit. You are worthy of more than finding a place to be accepted in spite of some perceived flaw; you have nothing to be ashamed of! Those who don’t see that are brutally wrong. You belong.
You belong.
You belong.
Take pride in who you are. Raise your chin. Look others in the eye with the confidence of one who is valued.
Because you are. I value you. I see you. You are my people. I celebrate you!
Take pride in the beauty of who you are. Take pride in the queer folk you love.
Let’s celebrate pride, and let’s build a world together that is kinder, more charitable, and safer – both physically and psychologically- for every child and adult.